Well, that was short lived motivation.

It’s been a rough few days.  I completely fell of the wagon on Sunday (after a superb performance on the first day of our road trip) and am just now picking myself up.

I finished the week off strong and Cliff and I both behaved Saturday when we left for Nashville.  We had super light meals, stayed away from the gas station snacks, and even squeezed in our half hour of exercise when we got back to the hotel.  We started Sunday with the best of intentions.  We splurged on Sunday brunch, but we had planned that for months.  We got on the road after we finished eating and the 48 hour binge started at the first gas station we stopped at.  I got a sugar water Calypso and it was downhill from there.  Skittles, Chex Mix, and a huge dinner at Steak and Shake later and we were miserable…

When we got home Cliff said he wasn’t working out and thought we should call it quits on the challenge.  I was so happy I could have cried.  My knee had been burning for days and I felt completely run down.  I had been reading (over and over again, actually) that we should really be taking at least one rest day each week, but I didn’t want to quit.  We agreed that it was probably a bad idea and decided not to work out Sunday night.

But we didn’t go back on Monday.

And I didn’t go back today…

We were off work yesterday for President’s Day and we were doing so well.  We had cleaned up the house, were staying on par with our food, and I was putting away laundry.

Then I raised up from the laundry basket.

I’m not sure if it was the way I turned or I raised up too fast, but I felt a blinding pain shoot through my back and almost all the way down into my left knee.  I thought for sure I was going to pass out.  The involuntary jerk from the pain twisted the knee that had been burning for days and I felt tears well up in my eyes.

Fast forward past Cliff helping me sit down into the recliner and me sobbing for a few hours and you will find me elbow deep in a bag of salt and pepper chips…

Then a frozen pizza…

Then peanut butter and graham crackers and chocolate chips…

And flaming hot Cheetos…

Need I go on?

I was so depressed over the fact that I couldn’t work out that I turned to food for the rest of the day (explain that logic to me!)

I wound up missing my midterm, cancelling dinner with friends, and missing a day of work because of the pain in my back.  I was mostly back on track today, but not like I should be.  However, I’ve planned my meals for tomorrow, I’ve posted my issues in my fitness group, and I’m ready to dust myself off and get back up.

I realize that I might not ever be able to completely control my binges, but I know that I can never give up.  I can never stop thinking that this binge might be the last one.  I have to keep pushing forward and one day I will be able to look back and laugh at how difficult this all seemed.  That day might not have been today, but it might be tomorrow, or the next day, or next year.  But I’ll never find out if I stop trying.

Overall, I don’t regret the weekend.  We did have a great time in Nashville and I did score some huge deals at Under Armor, so at least I’m prepared for the gym!  We started the day at Third Man Records and then we all went to Dave and Buster’s and Sarah and I shopped till we dropped (seriously, I was sooo tired – we had to have walked several miles by the time we covered the entire Opry Mills Mall).   Brunch was amazing, as usual, and the hotel was really nice.  It was nice to get away and even though we weren’t on par with our eating plan, we made some amazing memories.  I can’t seem to find my camera, so the only memories I can share are the ones I snapped on my phone.

Nashville - Valentine's Day 2014
Nashville – Valentine’s Day 2014

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