I hate Halloween.
That isn’t true. I love Halloween…I think.
I hate being fat during Halloween…and since I’ve been fat every Halloween of my adult like I just instinctively think that I hate Halloween.
What I do hate is candy being every – f#$%^ – where. I mean does there need to be Kit Kats in every single direction I look?
Yes, I’m a hater.
Yes, I have a serious case of sour grapes.
No, I won’t apologize.
Candy is the devil.
Specifically Snickers and Reese’s Cups.
/sigh – At least it’s almost over. I don’t know how much more willpower I can muster.
However, it does give me a new goal. I want to dress as a slutty something for one Halloween. I normally don’t dress like that, nor do I particularly care for women that do (under normal circumstances) but I’ve always had this overwhelming urge to be like…a cat, or a policewoman, or something as equally cheesy. Now, will I actually leave my house looking like that? Probably not, but we’ll see.
My coworkers are dressing up as Minions for tomorrow’s Halloween party. I would have loved to participate, but I was too embarrassed to give my shirt size out to the person buying them, so I just skipped it. However, they made a few extra hats and I got one. 🙂 I can’t wait until that’s no longer an issue. I know it’s silly to feel that way, but I can’t help it. I’m still in a 2XL and I absolutely hate telling people that. Then what happens if they buy the 2X and it runs small and it looks like I’m hiding a spare tire under my shirt…a bright neon yellow shirt at that. No thanks, maybe next year.
But enough negativity! Next year will be different.
So I hit my first goal of getting back to my wedding day weight yesterday and now it’s time to move on to my next goal. I want to get down to 275 before I leave on my shopping trip to Cincinnati on November 30th. That’s only nine pounds away in 4.5 weeks and I feel good about reaching it, but weight loss can be…fickle.
I kind of like the little goals that I’ve been setting for myself. I have some grand ideas for things like a 5K and being out of plus sizes, but for now I’m happy with the little successes. It really is the little things that matter. It’s what keeps us going. For instance, today in class I had my first real urge to exercise. I was frustrated with my teacher running late (who, might I add, never showed up and caused us to stay there for almost 2 hours before calling the admin office and having them dismiss us) and I was just ready to get the stupid test over with. Then a great song…ok, not a great song, but certainly a guilty pleasure song if I ever heard one…came on Pandora and I just wanted to move. I felt like if I took off out of the classroom that I would just start running like Forrest Gump. It was the oddest sensation. Never before has my body reacted to anger with anything other than the urge to scream or eat. Does that mean that I’ll never have another binge moment? Nope. Does it mean that there won’t be days that I dread exercising? Hell nope. But it does mean that I’m making progress. It also means that, for right now at least, (and what else can we ask for other than this moment right now – because we aren’t guaranteed anything more than that) I’m more determined about losing weight and getting healthy than I have ever been in my entire life and I need to embrace that.
And I plan to.
Next year I’ll be proud to tell them my shirt size.
“What you have to do and the way you have to do it is incredibly simple. Whether you are willing to do it, that’s another matter.” – Peter F. Drucker