Embracing the Gray

All you need to know about the last 6 months is that I:

• Finished my Bachelor’s degree
• Had an amazing birthday surprise celebration
• Saw an NFL game on Thanksgiving Day
• Went to a SUPER fancy wedding
• Played laser tag for the first time
• Hosted a baby shower for one of my best friends
• Went to 3 concerts and saw countless shows including an evening with Ira Glass!
• Really got into board games
• Rang in 2017 on the beach where we got married
• Gained 30 pounds
• Hired a personal trainer (see above)

Most of you know that the past 18 months have been filled with a lot of ups and downs for the hubby and me. Injuries, IVF complications, health issues, all on top of working and going to school full time. While I’m definitely on the upswing, there’s a lot that’s still raw.

Like being 25 pounds heavier than I was two years ago at this time.

It’s still very hard for me to focus on the amount of weight I’ve kept off versus the weight I’ve put back on. While I know it’s important to cut myself some slack, I feel like (lately, at least) I’ve cut myself WAY too much. At some point, I got comfortable with 190…then 200…then 215.

Then I woke up one day at 225 and I wasn’t so comfortable anymore.

For months I told myself I would “Get my shit together on Monday.”

I lost count of how many Mondays came and went and I had yet to follow through with a single plan. Working out no longer had any appeal (except the week we rode our bikes in Florida for vacation, more on that later). I had zero willpower and felt like I ate everything in sight. The only habit I managed to get back into was logging my calories in My Fitness Pal – no matter how terrible the day might be.

And there were A LOT of terrible days over the past couple of months.

Finally, on January 10th I said those magic three words out loud:
“I need help.”

Even though I knew what I was supposed to do, I just couldn’t seem to make myself follow through with anything.

It’s been a week since I sent that text to a long-time friend of mine who has been detrimental in my weight loss journey. As usual, she helped to remind me that I’m not alone in this struggle and this journey is anything but linear.

Cliff and I have now committed to 3 months of no restaurants (one exception being our annual trip to Nashville for Valentine’s Day), no alcohol, and no soda. (That alcohol one might get scratched altogether 😉

I also bit the bullet and hired a personal trainer and had my first session yesterday!

I was terrified I wouldn’t even make it through the first 10 minutes, but I surprised myself (and my trainer) and made it through the ENTIRE workout without a single extra break.

Needless to say, sitting down today as been…interesting.

Unfortunately, I didn’t grab a picture of his studio, but it’s amazing! Next time I’ll be sure to snap a few to share. It’s a really nice setup and I felt like such a badass working with him.

I’m both dreading and looking forward to my next session tomorrow.

Right now, I’m just trying to focus on balance. Understanding that everyday isn’t going to be perfect, but everyday isn’t going to be terrible either. I’ve always lived very much in the black and white; however, I’m trying really hard to embrace the gray.

And now, because it wouldn’t be the same without it, here are some random pictures from my life over the past 6 months.

The view from our hotel room in Ormond Beach for New Years.

The annual birthday tradition of going to Build-a-Bear.

Super fancy digs for a super fancy wedding. #MaynardPartyof2

Thanksgiving Day game – Lions vs. Vikings.

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