November 2015 archive

Dear Future Me…

Anyone who is honest with themselves can admit that they have lost it at one point in time -even if it’s just a little.

Or…a lot.

Also, anyone that’s a female can relate to the fact that anything that has the “potential” to mess with our hormones will, almost certainly, do so.

I’m looking at you random baby medications.

So, last month was a little rough.  Melt downs, tears, random plummets in self-esteem.

You know…typical day and all.

While, in some part of my brain, I was 100% aware that it wasn’t entirely my fault, in the moment it’s really hard to grasp the part of me that produces rational thought.

I thought all that would be over for a while at the end of October because our IVF cycle was scheduled to start.   Due to some unforeseen issues we weren’t able to start this month.

Which meant another month of these meds…

Oh wait, I’m sorry Dr. Person, did you say we were upping those meds this month?

Personally, I think I took it well.

3 days, lots of binge eating, and one drunken haze later I had a brief, blissful moment of clarity.  I was able to be off the pills for 4 days before we started again and on that 3rd day, life just kind of…clicked.

As Cliff and I were driving to meet friends for brunch I started writing myself a letter.

I wound up sitting in the parking lot, unable to move, until I finished it.

After reading it, I knew things with me were about to change.  I felt…I don’t know, strong?  It’s kind of hard to put into words without sounding like I puked up a hallmark card.

So, instead, I’ll just post it here for the “world” to see.

Who knows?  Maybe someone else that’s having a moment of clarity decides to give a little pep talk to their future selves.

We could all use it sometimes, right?  We can be real assholes to ourselves.

****NSFW Language****

Future Jodi,

This is past Jodi. We are having a clear day today and we know what we have to do to get through this next round (and all future rounds if that’s what it comes to – because the reward will be definitely be worth it – no matter what happens).

Keep this plan in mind on days where you question your sanity.

Your life is amazing. Absolutely, unequivocally the most amazing life you could have ever imagined. You are living a real life fairy tale. Cliff is your best friend and has taught you the true meaning of the words “love” and “respect.” Remember this when you want to scream at him. He will still love you when it’s over, but you’ll feel like a royal cunt.

Your friends are here for you. They love you because you’re a good person. You’re compassionate, honest, and fun. You truly care about them and they can tell. Don’t stop being you. That’s the person they like. When you need to cry or vent, reach out to them, do not shut them out. And when they need you, return the favor.

You do not need random stuff to feel better. Spending money will not actually make you feel better. Be mindful of your budget and your long term goals. This is what will really make you feel better. Keep your eye on the prize.

Do not reward yourself with food. You are not a dog.

Be nice to yourself. You are not a horrible person. People that you respect very much think you’re great. If you were a bad person those people would not choose to spend their time with you. Remember that and cut yourself a break. You’re going through a lot and everyone understands. This experience will help you to grow as a person and even if things don’t go exactly as planned, remember one thing…

Your life is already amazing.

With all my love,

Past Jodi

This is taped up on my bedroom mirror, next to my vanity, on my fridge, and on my desk.  I ain't playin'

This is taped up on my bedroom mirror, next to my vanity, on my fridge, and on my desk. I ain’t playin’

Catching Up – A Work in Progress

So, today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Or so my husband told me this morning as I got out of the car to go to work.

For some reason, it has stuck with me all day.  He is so right.  I can change the ending to my story any time I want.  It’s my story after all.

The first thing I want to change is the lack of writing in my life.  This blog got me through that whole first year of us losing weight.  It has, truly, seen me through some tough times.  Why did I stop?  I have no idea.  I want to say that I don’t have the time, but that just isn’t true.  If I have time to binge watch <insert Netflix show here> on a regular basis then I have a few minutes to update the blog.

Lots of things have happened in the past few months since I posted.  Nothing like a bullet list to bring you up to speed:

  • Tore meniscus
  • Did 6 weeks of PT
  • Did not get to run the Half-marathon
  • Went to Chicago with some great friends
  • Started running again…slowly
  • Went to my first bridal shower
  • Completely lost my mind and regained it (IVF related)
  • Fell off the bandwagon and am back over 200 (barely)

So, that’s pretty much where we are now.

I plan on discussing a few things in more lengthy posts in the future, but for now – that’s the breakdown.

I’m trying a new life tactic called “Focusing on the Positive” so I’m not really going to address the less than stellar moments listed above.  For now, I’m just going to post a bunch of pictures from the past two months that make me smile.

Perhaps I’ll be ready to tackle more tomorrow, but for today I just want to be excited about clicking “Publish.”

This dude.  He makes me smile the most.

This dude. He makes me smile the most.

I really wish I would have bought this card.

I really wish I would have bought this card.

Tacos and Munchkin night!

Tacos and Munchkin night!

Just a cute little picture I put up on my desk.

Just a cute little picture I put up on my desk.

We are obviously the most amazing dinosaurs ever.

We are obviously the most amazing dinosaurs ever.

Top 3 concerts for sure.

Top 3 concerts for sure.

I've always wanted to do this, but I never thought it would be with the original painting!

I’ve always wanted to do this, but I never thought it would be with the original painting!

This makes me smile for two reasons.  1) It's just hilarious.  2) It makes me feel super skinny.

This makes me smile for two reasons. 1) It’s just hilarious. 2) It makes me feel super skinny.

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