Month: August 2014

Permission to fail, Drill Sergeant?

After losing 150+ pounds (with even more to go) I am thrilled with everything that I can do now.

  • I’m under the weight limit for the rock climbing wall at the gym.
  • I took a boat ride and it didn’t tip over.
  • I can wear shorts in public.
  • I can see my ankles.

Obviously there are more things that I’m happy about, but you get my drift.

However, there is one thing that this weight loss journey has taught me that stands out above everything else.

It has taught me that it’s ok to “fail.”

The first time that I ever tried to run was a complete and total disaster.  It left me feeling like I was never going to be able to accomplish my weight loss goals.  If I couldn’t run for 10 seconds how was I ever going to get in shape?

I used to feel like I had to be the absolute best at something or it wasn’t worth doing.  I would get super frustrated when I struggled with a subject in school or if I messed something up while trying a new recipe.  Instead of looking at things as a learning experience I viewed them as a sign of me being totally worthless.  So, eventually, I just got to the point where I stopped trying new things.

Over the past few years all of that has changed.  I have finally learned how to give myself “permission to fail.”  If I’m too sore to run one day, I don’t.  If I eat a cheeseburger for lunch, I get right back on track at dinner (or the next day at the latest).  Just because I slack a bit from time to time doesn’t make me a failure.  At least I’m still trying.

It finally occurred to me that not trying, not even attempting to do something because I was afraid to fail, was absurd.  I was causing myself to miss out on so many opportunities both professionally and personally.  My fear of failure has held me back in my career, pulled me away from my social life, and caused a lot of unnecessary grief in school.

I was too scared to pursue a degree that I wanted (Business Management and Marketing) because what if I couldn’t hack it?  Instead, I latched on to my husband’s career path, thinking that I would be content with that.  Fortunately, I learned relatively early on that IT just isn’t for me.  Now I have the courage to push through with what I want to do.  And what happens if that doesn’t work out?  Well, I guess I’ll try something else.  There’s just one question that I ask myself these days.


If I skip my run today, that just means I do it another day.  It means I was tired, or sick, or just needed a break and that’s ok.  If I only work out five days instead of six, that’s still five more days than I used to work out.

And if I crash and burn in Marketing?  Then I guess I’ll just do something else.

Real failure is letting fear get the best of you.  It’s giving up before you even know what you’re capable of.  I don’t want to look back on my life and say, “If only I had tried {insert random activity}”  I want to have a life filled with adventure and memories that make me proud of the choices I made.


My life is nothing like I thought it was going to be.

It’s a million times better.

All because I have learned to let go and trust that I am strong enough to get through anything I put my mind to.

To commemorate my newfound wisdom, I plan on doing something this fall that I have always wanted to do, but never thought I would be able.

That is a link to a trail that I have always wanted to try but was scared to death of not being able to make the climb.  This year is the year.  I ordered my new pack today and I can’t wait to start getting ready for the trip.  I know that it’s just a simple day hike for a lot of people, but to me it’s an amazing accomplishment that I can’t wait to experience.

And if I don’t make it this time, that’s ok.  At least I’ll try.



Wednesday Weigh-In

Happy to see that I’m keeping up the momentum.

I’m less than 25 pounds away from being out of the 200’s!


I’ve been able to keep up my regular workout routine and I’m still loving having a membership to the Y and to Planet Fitness.  It has actually worked out to be really convenient, which means I’m more apt to follow through with it.  Most of the time I go at lunch, but if I can’t for some reason I’m still able to join Cliff after work.  Or if I want to workout on the weekend, but not travel all the way downtown, I can pop over to PF and knock it out.

I’m really happy to start seeing significant differences again.  I feel like I’ve turned another corner at this point and I’m really looking forward to challenging myself more.  Finally getting over the 230 hump has given me a boost of confidence and I’m going to ride this wave as long as I can.

I’m starting with the mud run next month, then a 5K, 10K, and hopefully a hike to Eagle’s Nest in Red River Gorge.

Apparently, I didn’t decide to just step out of my comfort zone, I decided to get launched out like a cannonball.

I have lots more that I want to share, but it’s been a super long week and I’m just moments away from crashing.  I promise to catch up this weekend as soon as I’ve had more than two consecutive hours of sleep.


The Command Center

Last month I mentioned that I had revamped our weight loss tracking system in the kitchen. I finally finished it and I am thrilled with how it looks! I plan on adding a few pictures throughout the year, but other than that I wouldn’t change a thing.

*A little back story on the command center*

When Cliff and I started making a concentrated effort to lose weight a little over a year ago, we decided that we wanted to weigh in every Wednesday (giving us a few days to recover from the weekend, if needed) and have our weight posted where we could see it every day.

Since I am completely obsessed with planning every single detail about every single event that takes place in my life and the lives of all the people around me I like to have a general plan, I decided to make a little board for the kitchen where we could log our weigh-ins, post our meals for the week, and something that was also aesthetically pleasing to the eye.

And thus our command center was born

As you can see, last year’s command center was just a colorful Excel spreadsheet that I put in a frame from the Dollar Tree. Each week when we weighed in we would notate our weight with a dry erase marker. In two other frames I put a weekly menu and one of my favorite quotes. Overall, I was pretty happy with it.

But this is a new year and I have a new personality so it was time to kick it up a notch.

And by kicking it up a notch, I mean making our weight loss tracking sheets in Publisher instead of Excel.

I’m just a regular printable party animal.


Cliff came up with the idea of figuring up how much weight we would need to lose each week in order to meet our goals by the end of the year and adding those weekly weights to our tracking sheet. I love this idea! I’ve always felt like the #1 key to our success was doing everything in baby steps. By adding our weekly goal weights to the tracker, it makes it seem much more attainable. Looking at the big picture can be overwhelming (especially if you have hundreds of pounds to lose). Plus, I really feel like I can celebrate reaching a goal every single week (assuming that I’m under that week’s weight of course).

And, of course, who would I be if I didn’t pull some fun, colorful stuff from the depths of my scrapbooking collection?

8.15.14 - 1IMG_2686

The round thing holding our pictures is a cork board from IKEA ($1) covered in some random fabric that I had in my craft room (which I can guarantee was on clearance). I glued some magnets on the back and called it a day.  For the magnets I took a few flat, glass pieces and glued scrapbook paper and a magnet to the back. The others are just flower embellishments with magnets on the back as well.

I put all of this on the side of the fridge and it’s the perfect place. It’s out of the way, I don’t have to worry about hanging something on the wall, and I have to look at it whenever I want to get into the fridge. 😉