August 2014 archive

When giving up is not an option

This past week has been filled with emotional ups and downs, both personally and professionally.

I’ve felt drained, frustrated, and just depressed all the way around.  It’s been hard to even pull myself out of bed this weekend.  I haven’t been able to focus on work and have barely touched my books or craft room.

I haven’t even looked at Pinterest.

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That’s when you know there’s a problem.

I wish I could say that I redirected all of my negative energy into some epic workouts.

I would like to say that I didn’t let it affect my nutrition and was able to reign in my bingeing.

Well, unless blizzards are now made from skim milk and quinoa, then I’m in trouble.

Until today, I hadn’t been to the gym since last Sunday, so six full days.  On top of that, I’ve been eating everything in sight since Tuesday.

I’ve had pizza, chicken strips, ice cream, doughnuts, Skittles, and a plethora of other delicious horrors.  I’ve spent the past five days saying, “I’ll get back on track tomorrow” or “I’ve already screwed today up, I might as well eat what I want tonight.”  It has definitely been the worst (and longest) binge episode that we’ve experienced in the past year and a half.  Looking back on it, I can’t believe that I ever ate like this on a daily basis.

I feel horrible.  My stomach is killing me, I’ve had a migraine for two days, and my pants are already getting snug.

This shit is miserable.  Why did I ever (and continue to, apparently) eat this mess?  The difference is almost unbelievable.

I woke up this morning and my first thought was “I’ve given up.  I can’t do this anymore.  I made a valiant effort, but it just isn’t in the cards for me.  I’m never going to be able to lose this weight.”

Almost as soon as I thought it, I dismissed it.

Giving up was no longer an option.

I know in my heart that I have what it takes to pull this off.  I just need to learn how to transmit that message from my heart to my brain.

We have family in town for the weekend (another triigger, but one we normally don’t have a problem with) so I know it’s going to be very difficult to get back on track today, but so far I’m managing.  I’ve kept my food in check all day (so far) and I’ve logged everything in My Fitness Pal.

We also forced ourself to go to the gym.  I was petrified (as always) that I had completely lost my fitness level and was going to be forced to start all over.  I went in with the mentality that I would “allow” myself to just take it easy today and kind of ease my way back into it.

The first 10 minutes was brutal.  Of course my brain was telling my heart, “See!  It’s over.  All this hard work down the drain.  You can barely breath and you’re just on the elliptical.”  I struggled to get my heart rate up and when I finally saw the 140’s I thought I was going to pass out.  Luckily, in the 11th minute something snapped and it felt like it all came back.  I pumped up the resistance, finished all of my intervals, and was rocking out and smiling by the end of it.  Afterwards, we headed over to the circuit and before I knew it we had spent an hour in the gym and I felt terrific!

***PSA***

Exercise if the #1 treatment for depression.  

Get out of bed and move your ass.

That is all.

It’s very easy to let times like this take over.  I feel like an imposter to all the people that tell me they’re proud of me or inspired by me.  It makes me think that I’ve not only let myself down, but all the friends and family members that have supported me over the years.  I walked into work one day last week and someone made a comment on my weight loss and how they admired my willpower.  Of course, I couldn’t just say thank you – I had to launch into a full explanation about why I didn’t deserve their admiration.

I wish I would have just said thank you.

I’m not 100% better just yet, but I’m definitely getting there.  I certainly no longer have the fear that I’m giving up and this is all over.  As soon as we left the gym, I could tell a drastic improvement.  It’s hard to convince myself, in the throes of anxiety issues, that exercise is the cure to most all of my mental ailments.

The moral of my story is that it’s never too late to “come back.”  If you have a bad day, make it just that.  A bad day.  If it’s a bad week, then it’s a bad week.  Bad month…well you get the picture.  All of these are ok, and happen to everyone (even people that look like they have it all together).

The secret is to not make it a bad forever.

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Wednesday Weigh In

No movement this week, but that was actually to be expected.  I went a little overboard once Cliff came home from Dallas.  Plus I’ve upped my fitness routine so I knew I would be stagnant for a bit.  I do hope to see a change next week though.

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Travel Tip Tuesday (Better Late than Never)

The next several installments of Travel Tip Tuesday are going to be learning experiences for all of us.

I’ve decided to take up a new hobby to help stay in shape (I love being able to say STAY in shape instead of GET in shape).  Cliff and I have been geocaching for a while now and walking on trails here and there but now we’re ready to take the next step.  So, we’re planning an actual hiking trip this fall!

Unfortunately, we’re going to have to stay at an inn in the area because it isn’t a good time to drop serious cash on camping gear.  However, the trail that we’re planning on doing is an entire day trip (or can be).  Plus it consists of a pretty intense (for us) elevation change.

The hike that we’re doing is something that a friend of mine has done several times in the past.  He has always sent amazing pictures of the view from the top and I was so jealous because I was sure that I would never be able to see it in person.

This is the first time that I’ve ever been wrong about something in my life, I swear.  😉

We’ve been to Red River Gorge several times, but the tallest point I’ve ever been to is Natural Bridge and we took the sky lift up to it.

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The last time we went we walked about four total miles of trails, but they were all pretty flat.

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This time is going to be very different, and I can’t wait.

So, of course the first thing I needed was a day pack.  I already knew what pack I wanted, but I found the next size up for $50 less online.  I went to a sporting goods store to try it on before I ordered it.  It’s a pretty big pack, so I was a little hesitant, but since I knew that we were going to be taking more trips like this (hopefully in as many cities as possible) I opted to go ahead and order it.  I am now the proud owner of a North Face Terra 55 Backpack.

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I wanted to be sure and get a pack that buckled around my waist and chest.  I also wanted to be sure that it had a sleeping bag compartment for when we start doing overnight trips.  The pack is super light, weighing in at only 4 pounds.  For a backpack with a steel interior frame, that’s awesome!  The best part about it was the comfort level. The shoulder straps felt like they were molded to my body when I tried it on.

At 55 liters, it’s going to be a toss up on whether or not I’ll also be able to use it as carry-on luggage for trips.  My ultimate goal is to one day only travel with a pack and no checked luggage.  I know that the 40 liter pack was right inside the guidelines, so I’m guessing as long as my pack isn’t completely filled I should be fine.  We’ll see next year I’m sure!

Cliff is still researching the pack that he wants (but something tells me that he’s going to wind up with the Men’s Terra).  He tried on a few at the store, but they didn’t have the Terra 55 for men.  I’m going to try and talk him into going to The North Face outlet that they just opened in Simpsonville.

I’m sure that’s going to go swimmingly.

Now it’s time to pack the bag with all kinds of goodies!  I’m going to spend this week researching how to pack the best bag without breaking the bank (or my back!)  Hopefully, all this will carry over into how to prepare us for a backpacking trip across Europe.  I hope to spend at least 2 full weeks trekking across Europe sometime in the next five years.  However, the only way I’m going to be able to pull that off is if I learn how to do it on a budget.  I’m sure I’ll figure something out.

(Sorry for the late and sporadic posts.  I’m in my last few weeks of classes before graduation and things are pretty hectic around here.  There’s a lot going on at work during the day and homework/errands/exercising/insertotherrandomresponsibilityhere that consumes my evenings.  I’m definitely making a more concentrated effort on maintaining the site, because I’ve noticed that I do so much better when I’m putting everything onto (virtual) paper.  The ability to be able to go back and see where I was a year (or even a month) ago, really helps me to look at struggles in a more positive light.  I would definitely recommend journaling to anyone trying to lose weight (or working on any goal for that matter).  Sometimes I, like many others, have a hard time envisioning the end result.  At some points it feels like I’m never going to see my goal weight.  During those times, I’m incredibly thankful to have this blog.  It allows me to go back and read about the time that I was really excited about staying on the elliptical for 30 whole minutes, or the first time that I ran for 60 seconds without stopping.  It reminds me that I’m doing things every single day that were impossible a year ago.  This means that I’ll be doing things every day a year from now that are impossible today. This little place in the blogosphere has really changed my life.  It has allowed me to prove to myself just what I’m capable of if I set my mind to it.)

 

 

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