October 2013 archive

Day 94 – Compromises

Today might have been the hardest day of any diet, weight loss plan, or lifestyle change that has ever happened to anyone ever.

You might be waiting for me to say that I’m exaggerating…

I wouldn’t hold your breath.

I knew today would be difficult just for the simple fact that it’s Halloween, but I had no idea just what I was in store for.

It all started when my boss screamed at me incoherently on my way out the door yesterday asked me to make bacon wrapped little smokies for the office Halloween party.  Now, normally this wouldn’t be a problem for me.  I love being the center of attention when it comes to being told how awesome I am for cooking <insert random food here>.  However, these little bastards are about as close to crack as you can get.  For those of you that don’t know, it’s pork…wrapped in more pork…drowned in butter and brown sugar…then more brown sugar…and then baked until they’re crisp on the outside.  Heaven (or in my case hell on a stick.  I had specifically refrained from signing up to bring anything because I didn’t want the temptation in the house nor the urge to participate in the lunch festivities because I had brought a dish.

But I also couldn’t turn down a specific request for one of my signature appetizers (I put my own little twist on my Mom’s recipe).  So I agreed.

15 hours after getting them out of the oven, I am proud to say that I didn’t eat a single one.  Not even to taste test!

1st obstacle passed.

When we got to work I braced myself for the onslaught of yummy lunch dishes spread out everywhere…

But I wasn’t prepared for what I saw when I walked in.

It was the scariest sight I had ever seen…

Every.

Single.

Type.

of…

Krispy Kremes.

Including some crazy apple filled one that I had never even heard of!

And if that wasn’t enough there were also the biggest blueberry muffins that I’ve ever seen.  They had to have been at least 800 calories a piece.

I refused to go to that part of the building for the rest of the day.  I knew that my willpower would be on the constant verge of breaking all day.

After I get to my desk and get everything set up for the day, my boss comes by and drops a bag of candy on my desk.  I must have seemed like the most ungrateful bitch because I just say there and stared at it…I couldn’t even get my mouth to form the words, “Thank You.”  I decided to treat myself to the package of 2 Starburst (20 calories per piece, seriously?!) and gave the rest of it away.

By lunchtime I was feeling pretty good about the decisions I had made up to this point and I was feeling like I was home free.

Then the smells started.

First it was faint and I could ignore it…then as more people made their lunch it became completely unbearable.  By 11:30 I couldn’t take it anymore and I had decided I was just going to work it off over the weekend.

Then I had an awesome idea!  What if we compromised on lunch and went to Qdoba!  I knew that I could get a naked queso burrito for 700 calories and I had already been planning on a big lunch since I have class tonight.  I know it isn’t the most healthy decision we could have made, but it was certainly better than bingeing on chicken wings and chocolate chip cookies.  So, we took a stroll down the street to Qdoba and had lunch together while watching all the FFA (Future Farmers of America) students walk around in the rain.  By the time we got back to the office I was full and super proud of myself for sticking to my guns.

This was actually the first office food day that I’ve ever skipped.  At any job.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful other than I got out of class super early and came home and made a killer dinner that I’ll be having many more of in the future.  I’ve been on a huge egg/breakfast food kick lately and I had just picked up a bag of the Simply Potatoes Hashbrowns on my last trip to the grocery.  I had seen a breakfast hash-type recipe online, so I tweaked it a little and it was delicious!  It took me all of 15 minutes to cook, 5 ingredients, and was only 410 calories for a plate full of food.

I cooked one cup of the hashbrowns (140 cals) in nonstick cooking spray until warmed through and a little crispy.  Then I cooked up one whole scrambled egg with two additional egg whites (125 cals for all) with 1/4 cup of Jimmy Dean’s turkey sausage crumbles (35 cals).  I sprinkled 1/4 cup of Veleveeta shreds (60 cals) on top and let it melt.  I skipped the oil for the potatoes, but did use 1 Tbsp of light butter for the eggs (50 cals)

It. was. delicious.

I had originally wanted to add some onions, peppers, and mushrooms to the mix, but I just didn’t feel up to it.  There will be plenty of more meals for me to experiment with.

Overall, it’s been a pretty terrific day weight loss wise.  We’ll be wrapping up week 2 at the gym tomorrow and we’re still planning on walking the 5k track at the park on Saturday.  I hope to get some changes made to the website this weekend.  I have to make it worthy of a 100 post blog, right?!

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” ~ Maya Angelou

 

Day 93 – What fresh hell is this?!

I hate Halloween.

That isn’t true.  I love Halloween…I think.

I hate being fat during Halloween…and since I’ve been fat every Halloween of my adult like I just instinctively think that I hate Halloween.

What I do hate is candy being every – f#$%^ – where.  I mean does there need to be Kit Kats in every single direction I look?

Yes, I’m a hater.

Yes, I have a serious case of sour grapes.

No, I won’t apologize.

Candy is the devil.

Specifically Snickers and Reese’s Cups.

/sigh – At least it’s almost over.  I don’t know how much more willpower I can muster.

However, it does give me a new goal.  I want to dress as a slutty something for one Halloween.  I normally don’t dress like that, nor do I particularly care for women that do (under normal circumstances) but I’ve always had this overwhelming urge to be like…a cat, or a policewoman, or something as equally cheesy.  Now, will I actually leave my house looking like that?  Probably not, but we’ll see.

My coworkers are dressing up as Minions for tomorrow’s Halloween party.  I would have loved to participate, but I was too embarrassed to give my shirt size out to the person buying them, so I just skipped it.  However, they made a few extra hats and I got one.  🙂 I can’t wait until that’s no longer an issue.  I know it’s silly to feel that way, but I can’t help it.  I’m still in a 2XL and I absolutely hate telling people that.  Then what happens if they buy the 2X and it runs small and it looks like I’m hiding a spare tire under my shirt…a bright neon yellow shirt at that.  No thanks, maybe next year.

But enough negativity!  Next year will be different.

So I hit my first goal of getting back to my wedding day weight yesterday and now it’s time to move on to my next goal.  I want to get down to 275 before I leave on my shopping trip to Cincinnati on November 30th.  That’s only nine pounds away in 4.5 weeks and I feel good about reaching it, but weight loss can be…fickle.

I kind of like the little goals that I’ve been setting for myself.  I have some grand ideas for things like a 5K and being out of plus sizes, but for now I’m happy with the little successes.  It really is the little things that matter.  It’s what keeps us going.  For instance, today in class I had my first real urge to exercise.  I was frustrated with my teacher running late (who, might I add, never showed up and caused us to stay there for almost 2 hours before calling the admin office and having them dismiss us) and I was just ready to get the stupid test over with.  Then a great song…ok, not a great song, but certainly a guilty pleasure song if I ever heard one…came on Pandora and I just wanted to move.  I felt like if I took off out of the classroom that I would just start running like Forrest Gump.  It was the oddest sensation.  Never before has my body reacted to anger with anything other than the urge to scream or eat.  Does that mean that I’ll never have another binge moment?  Nope.  Does it mean that there won’t be days that I dread exercising?  Hell nope.  But it does mean that I’m making progress.  It also means that, for right now at least, (and what else can we ask for other than this moment right now – because we aren’t guaranteed anything more than that) I’m more determined about losing weight and getting healthy than I have ever been in my entire life and I need to embrace that.

And I plan to.

Next year I’ll be proud to tell them my shirt size.

“What you have to do and the way you have to do it is incredibly simple. Whether you are willing to do it, that’s another matter.” – Peter F. Drucker

Day 92 – Weigh In Day

I was so excited about this week’s weigh in.  I worked ridiculously hard last week and I couldn’t wait to see if it had paid off…

And it had!

284.8

Which is officially lower than I was on my wedding day, which also means I’ve hit my very first goal.

I know that I can’t expect every week to be this way, but it was certainly a much needed reinforcement.  I know that if I eat right and get my ass off the couch then the weight is going to come off.

I’ve found myself actually excited about going to the gym this week (which I also know I shouldn’t expect every week) and I’m trying to embrace that feeling while I can.  I even pushed myself a little harder on the elliptical today and went up a level and added over half a mile to my distance.

Cliff and I are planning to walk a cross country trail at a local park Saturday morning that is a 3.1 mile loop.  I’m interested in seeing if I could walk a 5K at this point and how long it would take me.  I would really like to get it done in under an hour (which would be a 20 minute mile, which is beyond leisurely) but I’m trying to keep in mind that I’m still 280+ pounds and Cliff is still 430+ pounds and just finishing it will be a huge accomplishment.

One of my goals this year (before July 2014) is to run a 5K.  Notice that’s run and not walk and I haven’t even walked one yet.  I would like to be down to 250 before I actually try to run again.  I tried to run on our treadmill one time and I could barely walk for days.  I think I still have a bit too much “jiggle” to be be putting that much pressure on my body.  I know that there are many people out there that have started running at a heavier weight for me, but I’m going to stick to what feels good to me as long as it keeps working.

Baby steps…

“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”  ~Francis of Assisi

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